Book Review: Etiquette & Espionage

NOTE: The book I got was an ARC but I got it after it was published.

So my ex-boss/head of TAB Stephanie mentioned this book Etiquette & Espionage at the January meeting. At first I wasn't interested because it was steampunk and I didn't think I'd like that.

But then she told me all the awesome stuff about the book and this isn't good because I have other books I'm supposed to read for school, for the CTLC and those that I bought and have neglected reading and then she has me intrigued but I'm not supposed to be!

But I made her give it to me and I finished it yesterday. And I REALLY LIKED IT. IT'S NOT FAIR TO BE CONSTANTLY DISTRACTED BY GREAT BOOKS.

Here are the reasons why: (I just realizes I've been using a lot of lists but this how I remain organized. Otherwise my thoughts would be everywhere)

1. The premise was awesome and it continued to be awesome. This book is about a girl in Steampunk 19th Century England who goes to a Finishing School that teaches you how to be an intelligencer. Which is a term, basically, for "lady assassin". They learn how to curtsy and throw knives, poison people while planning an elegant meal, and fight different paranormal creatures. What isn't cool about that??

2. The names are badass and dapper at the same time. The main girl is named Sophronia, her best friend Dimity, Dimity's brother is Pillover, another girl Sidheag, a sootie named Soap, a mechanimal named Bumbersnoot and a werewolf named Captain Niall! As a Directioner (don't judge me too harshly) I thought that was amazing! But all the names were pretty spectacular.

3. I thought Soap and Sophronia were cute together. Since I am obviously addicted to shipping, I already found my couple of the book. They were both just so adorable and amazing! They had a slight banter, a bit of forbiddenness with her being an Uptop and him being a sootie, and it's just perfect. But nothing really happened so I have to wait for the sequel. Both books I will be like this:

That's all I have to say. Bye!

Owyn

Book Review: Instructions for a Broken Heart

NOTE: This is a book and (*review spoilers!*) not a very good one.

The book I'm reviewing is called Instructions for a Broken Heart by Kim Culbertson.

It's about a girl named Jessa who catches her boyfriend cheating on her and then she has to spend 3 weeks with his "slimy" ass with the girl he cheated with.

I'm not going to beat around the bush. This book was awful.

When I first got it, I thought it seemed like an interesting premise: getting over something bad that happened to you.

But after reading the first 40 pages I was like:

Even then I had friendzoned the book to "like"

Here are the reasons why it was so despicable.

*YEP SPOILERS BECAUSE I HOPE YOU DON'T READ THIS ANYWAY*

1- It was just bland. I did not feel any romance with anything. There were like 2 jokes I thought were vaguely amusing. There was this other guy that was supposed to be her new romantic interest but they just seemed awkward and out of place.

2- Jessa flipping kissed her teacher!!!. I explained here that I hate this kind of stuff, but in this book her teacher was also getting over heartbreak and she just leaned in and kissed him. I groaned out loud in complete and utter exasperation.

3- Jessa was a whiny bitch. First of all, if your boyfriend cheated on you that's a sign it wasn't going to work and it's his fault so just get over it. Second, she had some friends help her out and she just kept going on and on about how awful her life was. I'm getting real sick of your bullshit, Jessa.

4- Jessa's friend's plot was just odd. So Jessa's best friend (who I'm going to refer to as "BFF" because I'm forgetting this book for the sake of my sanity) gives her a care package to remind Jessa of all the awful things her boyfriend did when they were together. Helpful, but then it turns out BFF kissed Jessa's ex and was jealous of all the time they spent together.

I knew this book sucked, but I am a proud idiot. I feel like I can't hate books if I haven't read them. So I forced myself through this pile-of-crap book in order to accurately describe it for you.

Don't read it. This book was about as much fun as getting your wisdom teeth taken out.

Ye have been warned,

Owyn

Trilogy Review: Perfect Chemistry

NOTE: This is a trilogy review because I am a book addict who refuses to go to rehab.

Back in 2010, I moved to Colorado. Before I interned at the bookstore, I would be a very frequent shopper like my sister but: my sister buys clothes and I buy books.

I was in the Teen Ballroom when a book caught my eye: Rules of Attraction by Simone Elkeles. I read the inside flap: It was about a Mexican gang member named Carlos and white good-girl Kiara Westford who fell in love in Boulder, Colorado.

I almost started jumping around because I LIVE THERE. Since, I have not been able to find books written with the setting in Colorado. (Not surprising. The only interesting thing about Colorado is the weed thing).

Then I found out RoA was second in a trilogy. Which meant two things:

(1) I'd have to read the first book.

(2) If it was good, I'd have to read the third when it came out in 2011.

I'm not one of those people who can jump right into a series, whether it be TV or book. So I bought the first book Perfect Chemistry then Rules of Attraction. And when it came out, I read Chain Reaction.

I ENJOYED THIS SERIES IMMENSELY. Generally, I loved the plots, characters, the alternating POVs, and the fact it wasn't preachy when it came to talking about immigration. I can re-read these all the time. And, you know, the guys in the official book trailers were pretty attractive.

Now I'm going to talk about my favorite/least favorite parts of each book. (I'm too lazy to do any more summaries, so go on Goodreads or some other bookish place).

*BLEEP. BLEEP. SPOILERS PEOPLE. ERMEGHERD SPERHLERS*

Perfect Chemistry: This book was good. Alex and Brittany were hilarious together. Characters like Isa, Enrique, and Paco really helped shape the book. As much as I loved it, as a reader my heart broke when Alex pushed her away near the end. No. Alex, no. Stahp. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE.
Rating: 66 Beakers out of 67.

Rules of Attraction: This one is my straight-up favorite. Ever. I loved it. I always associate myself with the "good girl" characters so I loved Kiara. And Carlos was hilarious. The Brittany/Alex drama was delectable and amazing. Tuck is just pure awesomeness. They were so many unforgettable quotes and stuff from this book that I will cherish forever.
Rating: 112 Frisbees out of 112.

Chain Reaction: While I still liked it, this book wasn't my favorite. I found Nikki to just be cynical, understandably, but HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE LUIS. He was adorable and saintly and attractive and smart.

He's too perf

But when they did get together, they were pretty damn adorable. And the extra Carlos/Kiara flair made me gasp, nearly cry then give a good ol' victory screech.
Rating: 75 Blind dogs out of 80.

These books are really good. I bow down to Simone Elkeles. *bows down*

Bai!

Owyn

Breathless Reads Tour!!!

NOTE: I'm an awful person and it's taken me forever to put this up. Sorry.

At TAB in January, Stephanie (our hallowed leader) told us about the Breathless Reads Tour and how she wanted us bloggers (namely me and this other girl Caroline) to blog about it on February 14.

And I explained here how I am forever alone and decided to do it for fun.

(P.S. Check out the hashtag #BreathlessReads because I tried my best to live-tweet it. My Handle is @AGirlNamedOwyn so that's how you'll know it's me)

I got there ridiculously early, like 45 minutes, so I sat around the book store making it look like I was interesting. I actually got to talk to a book agent and her husband before hand and catch up with Stephanie (who I'd been seeing in 2 days for TAB).

Here's a picture of the landing with no people.

The Bookstore also gave me candy. I told myself I was going to save it, but who was I kidding?

THEY'RE HERE YAY!!!!!

So, I suck at copying things down, but I tried to write down everything I could. 

Inspirations:

Brenna:  I like to read books about serial killers. Research so it's not creepy (Paper Valentine is about a serial killer)

What did you read as teenagers?
Brenna- Steven king
Andrea- scifi
Jessica- scifi as well. Lloyd Alexander
Marie- fantasy and scifi. Harry potter ruled my childhood

What is the hardest part of writing romance?
Marie: oh god. I am really awkward when it comes to romance. I will send a copy to my agent and they will say to rewrite it. There are sexy times so I read some sexy books (Here I said, "So that's your research?" I was proud of myself)
Jessica- I read Nicholas sparks. My husband had to remind me it was valentines day. 
Andrea- romance is fun to write for me. I now write adult romance
Marie: SO JEALOUS
Brenna- I pick the most uncomfortable situations for my characters

Challenging parts?
Andrea- everything will be good and then I hit 20000 words and then I hit major self doubt. At 50000 then everything is perfect!
Brenna- the world building. It took me several drafts.
Marie- other than the romance... I have a tough time with the first draft. I find it challenging to write June's POV. The boy is fine. Writing her chapters are very slow. (She had to research the history and uses of paper clips, which I found awesome.)
Jessica- maybe I should go to amazon! And then I found out all these things that will kill you. Maybe I should stay on the couch. Lots of research. The setting is almost a character itself.

What about the romantic interests?
Jesica- watch the CW
Marie- romance playlist until I'm weeping
Andrea- hopeless romantic. I hid romance novels under my bed.
Brenna- specific characters. Supply what other is lacking.

Then they read from the breathless parts of their novels. When Marie (who, admittedly, was awkward around these parts. She tried to get through the first sentence of her novel and then burst into laughter.

And it was hilarious.

So they ended up switching up with each other's novels and it was pretty awesome. 

But that's most of everything! I had a great time and a MASSIVE thank you to Breathless Reads, the authors, and the Bookstore for letting me invade their place. 

And here, again, are said authors:

Left to Right: Marie Lu, Jessica Khoury, Andrea Cremer, + Brenna Yovanoff

Bye!

Owyn

Readability Part 2

NOTE: This is a continuation of this post. Enjoy.

Okay, so my sister loves Pretty Little Liars. And I don't. Want to know why?

MOTHER BLEEPING ARIA AND EZRA.

I thought of something else that pisses me off on my Scale of Readability, ranking at a 4.5:

Student-teacher romance.

Why is this even a thing? Someone explain

Teachers are not supposed to be romantic interests for multiple reasons.

One: It's illegal! Relationships have enough drama and bullshit without the law involved. Don't expect me to sympathize when you're complaining about being called in for questioning because you're an idiot.

Two: Forbidden romance does not make it sexier. It just causes you to have a higher "pedestal" for you to fall off of. That, of course, is made of your hormones' stupidity.

Three: How can you find a teacher attractive??? Granted, at my school all the teachers are either married, really old, or just not that hot! And it doesn't seem worth it to throw away my future! I mean, really Aria? Is this little tryst worth it?

I needed to get this off my chest.

Until eventually,

Owyn

My Personal Readibality Scale

NOTE: Another rant!

So, when you're reading, is there a factor of a book that just makes you sigh (in minimal-annoyance cases) or makes you want to throw the book in a fire because you hate this F***ING factor too much (in maximal-annoyance cases)? Or is it just me?

Regardless, I'm going to talk to you about my readability scale.

My readability scale is if a book has any of the factors that I don't like and then I rank them to see if it's worth it to read them anyway. The scale goes from:

1-(this doesn't bother me that much, but it's still a thing)
2-(meh, I'll read it anyway)
3-(Oh god this will probably IRK me but I'm going to read it for the sake of my pride)
4-(I'm hesitant to even touch this book)

And finally:

5- (OH HELL NO I REFUSE TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THIS BOOK AND IT NEEDS TO BE SENT INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE UNDERWORLD WITH HADES)

Otherwise represented in this awesome Psych gif:

But here are some examples:

ONE ON READABILITY SCALE: Boys with green eyes. In someteen-romance fiction I've read, they always make the lead boy has these really "intense" (or some other cheesy word that romance-fiction uses) green eyes. And this always irks me. There are two other colors of eyes that are as equally intense. But, this only makes me sigh, since I will probably still read it.

TWO ON READABILITY SCALE: Dystopian. I actually haven't read much of these but I think if a book was to set off my Reader Feels enough then I'd read it anyway. This usually makes shrug then pick up the book, because

I do what I want

THREE ON READABILITY SCALE: Falling for best friend. I really don't know why, but whenever there's a story that has the main girl eventually fall for a guy friend it feels like a cop out. I feel cheated. But, they usually turn out to be really cute stories so I read them anyway.

FOUR ON READABILITY SCALE: Love triangles. They're just so STUPID. It's not even the books that bother me it's the people in on it to. Like back during the three months Twilight was cool for me, girls would be like "Omg Jacob is hotter so he should be with Bella". And I'm like, "your stupid dog didn't even win and looks don't matter so don't be shallow".

And then when people kept saying shit like this when I stopped caring I was just like, "STFU I really don't care". Same goes for The Hunger Games. You're little ship lost the race against my yacht, bitch. Get over it.

(Wow I am way too emotionally invested in teen literature and this will probably only get worse)

FIVE ON READABILITY SCALE: Paranormal romance. Will someone actually explain to me what is so attractive about non-humans? Why do you want a half-dead bloodsucker/shaggy dog/your kinda-sorta brother demon-slayer/even a bleeping toaster? WHY IS THIS A THING? I'd like to have hope that I will at least have a chance with one of the billions of people in the world, much less go scoping for a vampire.

If you have any opinions or answers for me, leave them in the comments.

I leave you with those thoughts.

Bye, guys!

Owyn

My Top 5 Teen Fic Lit Couples

NOTE: Not *really* a review, but I'm basically spoiling the ending so you should read these books anyway. If I haven't written a review of these books already, I will get around to that. PS. Lots of pictures and caps lock abuse.

So I'm kind of addicted to shipping.

It's a serious problem.

I explain what it is here: My High School's Newspaper. Or you can YouTube search "Danisnotonfire I will go down with this ship". Both are hilarious.

But, basically, I love it when I'm reading a teen romance book and the couple get together. Like, you have no idea. Since I'm forever alone, I live vicariously through romantic characters so this is all I have going for me.

So I decided to make a list of my favorite Teen-Fic-Lit Couples (as evidenced by the title).

Here they are in no particular order:

The Ruined Trilogy: Avi and Amy. I still cannot get over how cute this couple is. They have to overcome distance, awkwardness, confusion and war in order to be together. Amy is hilarious and Avi is just so broodingly perfect that I have to put them on here.

LOOK AT ALL THAT TENSION

The Belles Trilogy: Brayden and Izzi/Mira and Kellan. There was SO MUCH sexual tension with these two pairs in the first two books and then something happened with Kellan and now I require the third book but it isn't out yet and I am having ALL THE FEELS. Damn you, Calonita!

SO MANY... OVERCOMING ME...

Venom: Falco and Cass. I already talked about this in the review, which is the link, but this couple is so intriguing and mysterious and normally that bothers me, but I loved this couple too much to let my prejudice stop me and this book also has a sequel so now I am cursed with FEELS again.

Preach it, Rachel. She understands my pain

Megan Meade's Guide to the McGowan Boys: Finn and Megan. As I explained in the review, BRIAN JUST LEFT ME HANGING! How could you do that to someone. Even with this, I still love this book and this couple. There's nothing formal about them (YET, a sequel must be happening) but I will constantly ship it.

Take a Bow: Emme and Ethan. This ship was just too adorable to not include. I love the whole bandmates-romance and the fact she helped him out and gave him a great verbal bitch-slapping. I just love them together.

I love this couple so much that I'm just happily dancing off into the sunset.

...

Bye.

Love,
Owyn

FANTABULOUS NEWS!!!

For the Teen Advisory Board, I'm going to an event at the Boulder Book Store to blog/live tweet The Breathless Reads Tour on February 14th!

Make sure you're following me on Twitter. I just changed my handle so it's now @AGirlNamedOwyn. So you should check it out.

Holla back later!

Owyn

PS. I am, for once, so glad I don't have a boyfriend so I can do awesome stuff like this on V-day instead of doing something like eating ALL the ice cream in my house!

My Saturday nights.

"Problem" with Predictable Endings

NOTE: This is a rant. Yay!

So, there was this person I used to follow on Twitter who was a fellow YA Book Blogger. When I saw her, I was like "KINDRED SPIRIT!" mentally because I try to be only half as awkward on the internet.

One day a couple weeks ago I decided to check out her blog. And she knocked a teen romance book I had liked (not my favorite, just a book I enjoyed) because it had a "predictable ending".

First of all, I kept looking throughout her reviews, this person kept knocking everything. Every book she'd reviewed had a less than 3-star rating on a scale to 5. Why must you knock everything? Are your standards that high?

I mean, I've read my share of bad books but not recently. I've figured out my type. I try not to read books if I think I'll hate them. But this person seemed to not try and just read books and then hate them when they're obviously SOOO predictable. That's not healthy. You should get help.

So back to the thing about "predictable endings."

There is *nothing* wrong with predictable endings in romance novels. Especially she meant that the main couple got together in the end. Don't you want them to get together? See the couple overcome obstacles and then get together again? Why don't you want to see the couple you really want get together?? What is wrong with you, "Internet Person"????

When I read a romance novel, I will find the couple I ship and then I will wait for them to get together. Or they won't get together and I die inside.

But isn't that why we read romance? We know logically that the love interests will get together in the end but when we're reading it we're gasping and frightened that they may not. Or is that just me?

So now I don't follow that person anymore.

I don't need to be around that negativity.

Buh-bai!

Owyn

ARC Review: Revenge of the Girl with the Great Personality

NOTE: I finally was able to get some readable books at TAB so I should be reading a ton of books that aren't published yet. But I have history day so I'm still busy.

Normally at Teen Advisory Board I am like a ravenous creature who needs books for sustenance. But I've been tired recently so I managed to be quite calm during the Book Dump.

Well, until Elizabeth Eulberg's new book was put on the table.

I actually managed to shout "MINE!" in the middle of a very quiet indie bookstore and grabbed the book before anyone else could. All of them questioned my sanity until I explained I've been waiting for this book to come out since I heard it existed.

Over MLKJr weekend, I could not put this book down. I felt compelled to read it and could not stop.

Not even to do homework ;)

I ended up loving this book (great job again, Eulberg!) So here are the reasons why:

Lexi is a badass female lead. I was instantly entranced with the main character. As a girl with a great personality, I sympathized with Lexi's need to be thought of as pretty. I was a little unnerved when she started to change but I still loved her. I thought she gave girls a message: That you are always beautiful and what other people think shouldn't change that. And I think that's a great message to give girls in today's world.

I absolutely loved hating the mom. Eulberg just has a way of writing that when it comes to a certain character, I will hate them with every fiber of my being. I don't know how she does it. I wish I had that superpower. I don't know how Lexi put up with her mom, I would've smacked her a billion times at multiple points throughout the book. Lexi is perfect, fuck the mom.

I said it before, but I loved this book's message. That you're beautiful just the way you are and that if anyone thinks otherwise it's their flaw. Not yours. EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL, MMKAY??? I'm just going to crawl back to the internet after remind you all of this.

This is the attitude you must have every day

So yeah this is my review. Sorry for not posting at all in January. I am filled with shame.

BAIIIII

Owyn